単身赴任先から帰省時のギスギス感

単身赴任のお父様方

帰省ペースはどれくらいですか?

毎週帰省している方や、2週間に一度の人、一か月に一度の人など、

それぞれのタイミングで帰省していることかと思います。

 

今回取り上げたいのは、帰省時のギスギス感です。

というのも、帰省中奥様と仲良くできていますか?

単身赴任から帰った時は、奥様と仲良く話したりしたい人が多いはず。

それなのに話しかけたら素っ気ない態度を取られたり、露骨に嫌な顔されたりしませんか?

その原因について、今回は紹介します。

 

生活スタイル

単身赴任のお父様方は、単身赴任先ではどのような生活をしていますか?

ちなみに、私の生活スタイルですが、

単身赴任先

【平日】

朝:通勤の1時間前位に起床 ⇒ 朝食 ⇒ 歯磨き等 ⇒ 着替え ⇒ 出勤

夜:帰宅 ⇒ シャワーor晩御飯 ⇒ 自分の時間 ⇒ 就寝

【休日】

起床 ⇒ 朝食 ⇒ 掃除・洗濯など家事 ⇒ 自分の時間 ⇒就寝

自宅

【平日】

朝:通勤の1時間前位に起床 ⇒ 朝食 ⇒ 歯磨き等 ⇒ 着替え ⇒ 出勤

夜:帰宅 ⇒ シャワーor晩御飯 ⇒ 家族との時間 ⇒ 自分の時間 ⇒ 就寝

【休日】

子供に起こされる ⇒ 朝食 ⇒ 家族との時間と自分の時間を繰り返し ⇒ 就寝

 

このような感じです。

単身赴任先では悠々自適に 仕事 ⇔ 自分の時間 を繰り返す独身貴族

休日は、家族中心の、お父さん生活を過ごしています。

生活スタイルの違い

単身赴任中と自宅での立ち振る舞いの違いは、【家族との時間】があるかないか、これに尽きます。

「久々に帰ってきたんだから、家族の時間を大切にしよう」

「子ども達と普段遊べていない分、遊んであげなくては」

「妻と普段会話できていないし、話したり出かけたりしよう」

私は、こういう気持ちで帰ってきて【家族の時間】を作ろうとしています。

 

それなのに、素っ気ない態度を取られたり、露骨に嫌な顔されたりします。

ギスギス感が生じる理由

夫としては、平日子供の世話や家を守ってもらっていたり、負担をかけている以上

帰省の時くらいは、と張り切ろうとします。

そんな心境から【家族の時間】や【妻との時間】を作ろうと頑張りますが

夫の気持ちは、理解はしつつも妻の求めているものと違い

迷惑なだけで、 素っ気ない態度や嫌な顔になっているのです。

※女性の皆さん違っていたらすみません。

単身赴任前はこれで良かったのに、と思うかもしれませんが

単身赴任前とは事情が異なります。

そう、妻側も夫が居ない期間で、生活スタイルが完成しているのです。

ギスギスが生じるタイミング

例えば、「子供を寝かす時間」や、「食事や掃除のタイミング」など

妻側が確立した生活スタイルがあり、そのタイミングで話しかけていませんか?

妻側としては、

「あなたがやってくれない家事をやってるのよ」

「帰ってきた時くらい、分担してやってくれてもいいじゃない」

など、思われているのではないかと私は感じています。

かといって妻の時間が出来るまで待ってから声を掛けても、

「やっと家事が終わって自分の時間なのに、なに!」

と、言われなくても目で訴えかけてきます。

そういった積み重ねが、単身赴任後の帰省でのギスギス感に繋がっていました。

話しかけるべきタイミング

それでは、いつ話しかければいいのか。

それは、買い物など外出の時です。

妻と共通のことをしている時は、妻の邪魔になりません。

なので、ギスギスすることがないです。

また、買い物なら事前に約束をしていなくても一緒に行くことが出来ます。

車を使う家庭なら運転手で行くことも多いと思います。

 

買い物は平日で終わらせてしまう家庭であれば、事前に帰省時の行動(どこ行くか程度)を約束しておけば

自然と出かけられて、会話や家族の時間も作ることができます。

帰省してから一度でも会話が生まれれば、ギスギス感が出にくく、平和が訪れます。

最後に

家族が居るから、家族のために、単身赴任を耐えているのに

帰省の時にギスギスして、家族間にヒビが入っては元も子もありません。

今のご時世、家事=女性ではないです。

単身赴任先では自分でも家事をしている(はず)ので、自分でもできることがあると思います。

妻と家事を分担することで、妻との会話の時間を増やすこともできます。

妻の意見や、妻の時間を尊重しつつ、家族の時間や会話を楽しんで、

楽しい帰省の時間を過ごしましょう。

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